M312 Heavy Recovery Vehicle
The Elephant, otherwise known as "House on a Skateboard", "That Big Gray Thing" and Invincible Garbage Truck, is one of the world's slowest vehicles'. '''They can only be found in the Halo 3 map Sandtrap, although it also makes an appearance in Halo Wars. It can be upgraded (thus increasing its Speed, Offensive capability, and power level), and is a favored target of Tusken Raiders. The Elephant is used by the Marine Corps, and considering their lack of a driving ability, the pathetic speed of an Elephant, and the Covenant Anal lasers, it's no surprise that they are usually abandoned. In the event that you should be attacked (don't worry, you will be), there is a conveniently-located Mongoose on the bottom which will grant you a few more seconds to live. What kills you then, you ask? Why its that noob who's been away from his controller the entire match, that's who. This vehicle is the failed UNSC attempt to create a copy of the Shadow, who's epicness is second to Bob the Builder. In soviet Russia, Elephants are used to keep ward off bears with guns. Specifications Even for being so slow, this thing presents players with turrets that are known to kill a Grunt within 32 seconds! Usually it's not worth going to, though, considering how a splazer noob will blast you six ways to Sunday as soon as you get on. The Elephant comes in 3 stories, one tells the story of a Mongoose that ran away before daddy Elephant got captured by blue team, another tells the story of a noob who got owned and re-spawned in the Elephant, and the third tells about a guy who saw a bullet spammer, and decided to get freaky with it. (For those who are wondering what the hell we're talking about, its satirical humor about the uses of the 3 stories of an elephant, laugh damn you!). In multi-player modes such as Capture the stripper flag pole, and Neutral Assault (aka Mutual Terrorism) the Elephant is usually the area where the objectives are located, thus insulting it by literally saying "We canz steal your flags" and "We canz bomb yuus cuz u suck". Drivers of Elephants are granted powers of amazing gruntiness, as they can only be killed from behind, but that's '''beside the point' since you can survive for a long time in there. Halo Wars In Halo wars, the Elephant appears as a playable unit (again, its the thing enemies take pot-shots at) which can spam marines and other soldiers (seriously, it must get pretty crowded in there). Primarily used by n00bs to the game who think that Marines are the ultimate source of victory (Leading Grunt scientists have proven that time and time again, this is wrong). It sucks so hard that even a emo grunt can frag it. Its only available to those who select the cutting guy, the captain who is better than Captain car Keys. Known Elephants * The 2 in Sandtrap -- Status -- Will eventually be owned by AIDS * Echo -- Status -- Owned by AIDS * India -- Status -- Owned by AIDS * Lima -- Status -- Almost owned by AIDS * The elephant at your zoo -- Status -- Possibly ridden away by a Spec Ops Grunt * Your Mother -- Status -- Chucking a massive shit. This simply proves how slow the elephant is, seriously it can't even outrun your mother. In ODST, on the last mission, Vergil jacks a waste disposal Elephant. It sucks and doesn't have any Gruntiness so you can't get into it. But then again, I suppose that's why they have it hauling garbage. Flying Elephants!? LOLWUT? Yes, its true. You can make the beasts fly. However it's so pointless considering how: A. You can't ride it. B. Even if you got overshields the spinning elephant would own you. C. Chuck Norris condemns flying elephants as an act of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism. Seriously, if you want to know how, let the liars at Halopedia explain. In the end We agree that the Elephant is an ignorant piece of crap indisposable addition to the UNSC arsenal.. Category:Vehicles Category:Things that suck Category:Things you shouldn't use for intercourse Category:Mythical Beings Category:Halo 3 Legendary Ending Category:Shit that Call of Duty copied from Halo. Category:Things that go bump in the night Category:Shit nobody cares about